July 29, 2024
Greetings from the excluded,
If there were headlines for ordinary people in everyday life, mine might say “Local Man Boycotts Olympics.” Some of you are wondering what a headline is, but I can’t stop here and explain the demise of newspapers, so let’s focus, shall we?
The Olympics began in Paris this week, and I am told the opening ceremony was spectacular, including a reference to a beheading. I can’t watch the amazing feats of heroic athleticism in Paris because I don’t have a subscription to whatever channel on which it is being broadcast. If there were still newspapers, I could keep tabs on the excitement that way, but let’s not get into that. I mean, come on, let’s stick to the subject.
For me the Olympics has become similar to the Oscars, which I also miss every four years. In both cases I have no idea who is competing, and for what activity. For all I know there is a Best Costume competition in the Olympics now. Which leads me to this.
Many years ago, (a purposely vague description meaning ‘I don’t remember when’) I was in Greece and visited the site of the original Olympic games. It was a remarkable experience to stand in a place where thousands of years before athletes competed in feats of strength and skill, completely naked. There was a variety of reasons for the nudity, the most startling of which was to prevent women from participating, but mostly to impress Nike. (the god, not the shoe sponsor) This tradition has not caught on in modern competition, although if ratings drop, don’t be surprised.
One of the things that struck me when walking through Olympia, was that if athletes were caught cheating, they were fined and their names were carved in stone in the entrance to the stadium, where you can read them today. It was basically a really embarrassing participation trophy. This is not really relevant, but I love the image.
The original games were fairly fundamental: there was some running and riding, something called Pankration, and naturally all the throwing of discs and spears and whatnot. And of course, Break Dancing.
No, don’t be silly, there was no break dancing in the original Olympics. This was meant to be an athletic competition, where men proved their physical strength and skills. If there were dancing in the Olympics who knows what it would lead to: skateboarding? Ping pong?
There are a few of you who recognize sarcasm who are no doubt yelling at your screen. First, I can’t hear you, so maybe yell louder. Second, I mean no disrespect, let me say I recognize how physically demanding ping pong and dancing might be. (By the way, if there is an event that features skateboarding, ping pong and dancing, I would tune in for that)
If I have a point, and it’s unlikely, it might be that the activities in the Olympics have wandered off the original tradition. I recognize times have changed and civilization has progressed in many ways, not the least of which is the elimination of ‘toga-optional’ Pankration events every four years. But it’s hard for me to take some Olympic events seriously, and here I’m thinking of badminton or croquet.
To me, backyard games played by your drunk uncle should not be featured in world wide competition. I’ll say the same for hackey-sack, jarts, slacklining, bean bag toss, ladder ball, horseshoes, giant Jenga, and I might as well throw in slip-n-slide. While I’m at it, I would not approve of Rock Paper Scissors, tiddly winks, mumbly peg, pogo sticks, stilts, or anything that includes wearing a Velcro bodysuit.
Sure all of those things may demand some skill and maybe some physical ability, but they hardly inspire the motto, “Citius, Altius, Fortius”. If that makes me sound like an athletic snob, well, let me pause here and laugh hysterically. I have fewer credentials as a sports observer than I do an observer of politics, finances, baking, or real housewives of New Jersey.
Technically, I am not boycotting the Olympics, I’m just not watching them, on purpose. More of a cold shoulder, or a slight. Hardly worth headlines, whatever those are. I will cheer when I hear of someone winning a gold medal in some event I recognize, but I probably won’t get too excited about Jeu de Paume.
By the way, if you are looking for something to get irate about, I just checked and croquet was dropped from the Olympics in 1900. I think they were trying to make room for break dancing.
Hope this finds you playing along,
David
Copyright © 2024 David Smith
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