October 7, 2024
Greetings from the memories,
One of my favorite comedians is Nate Bargatze, someone who has made me laugh for years. Among his many observations were the reactions of people when he took his two-year-old daughter to Disneyland.
“People told us that was a mistake. We didn’t ask anyone, but they were happy to tell us. They were like, ‘Your just wasting money, she’s not going to remember any of it.’ But it’s fun to see her excited, she loves Minnie Mouse.”
He said, “Should I just lock her in a closet and ask ‘Do you remember yesterday? No? Well, until you start remembering things I’m not going to waste any of my money on you.’”
That last line is funnier to me because it sounds like something I might have really said. Maybe not out loud. And so, I was filled with awe, and a glimmer of trepidation, when my daughter and her husband invited us to travel with their little family to Germany. My grandchildren are two and four, which are the perfect age to write travel jokes about. Plus, I am approaching the age when people might say: “…he’s not going to remember any of it.” Also pretty funny.
Tim and Katherine are smart and thoughtful, and like almost anyone who decides to have children, they are brave. They have framed their lives with intention, including doing the things that bring them joy, which sometimes means hauling a kid on your back. They are not trying to prove to themselves, or anyone, that their lives would roar forward regardless of children, this is just how they want to live.
They began thinking about celebrating their tenth anniversary, which came so quickly it startled them, reminded them that waiting for the perfect time for anything can mean missing out. The years flutter by filled with both the mundane and the exhilarating, and suddenly you are measuring decades. They decided to go big.
They planned and prepared and then left the door open for things to unravel, to adapt, left room for new plans. And they got the kids passports and booked the flights and committed to the big adventure. And soon, we were all on a plane to the Bavarian Alps.
“We knew it could be uncomfortable, that we would be tired, but we already know how to push past that,” Katherine said. She and Tim saw the possibility, for them and for their kids. “I didn’t want to wait two more years for some better moment.”
But, you might ask, wouldn’t it be easier to travel without children? The answer is yes, it’s hard work and it’s inconvenient. If you follow that logic far enough, almost all of life is easier without children. And yet, we have them, and our lives are richer for it.
It was an amazing experience for all of us. The Alps are breathtaking, the people in Austria and Germany were wonderful, and every day was filled with ‘best’ moments. I know it was different for the adults, we slowed down, we went at the pace of the littlest of us. We mixed real life living in with having a vacation in a new place. We got to know Ila and Finley and they learned about us.
It's hard to measure the adventure for the kids. Ila is four years old and has summited her first mountain. Finley has splashed in a mountain stream, explored castles, chased Ila along wooded trails. They hunted for stones, climbed, fell down, cried, got over it. They sat at a little riverside café and ate cake, had ice cream in Salzburg, slid on wooden rails in a salt mine 500 feet underground. They spoke German.
It’s impossible to know what Ila and Finley will remember, but life is not a history test to be studied for. I won’t remember dates and facts any more than the children will, but we have these images. Children remember feelings, which it turns out are the impressions that last the longest.
They also are understanding travel, the inconvenience, the fun, the routine, the surprises. They are learning how to move in the world. Even if they don’t have a command of the words to describe it, they are learning it.
Two days ago I sat on a couch with Ila and Finley and read them a book. I will say first that Ila could have read it to me, and Finley probably already had it memorized, but it was a polite invitation, and I’m delighted to be asked. Driving home I realized that in ten years neither will remember the contents of the book. Not the words, not the pictures, the author’s name. What will matter in a decade is the moment we shared, not labeled, not just this feeling of being together, knowing each other. That sums it up.
Last night Katherine told me it would have been easier, safer, to just stay at home instead of going to Germany. She knows that feeling every time she loads up the stroller or the bike or the car to go on the next adventure. But home is where they can come back to, it’s not a cage for her children, or her. John Shedd said: “A ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are for.”
Tim and Katherine are raising their children to know what it means to make the interesting choices. They build those choices into almost every day, which makes everyone’s life fuller. It’s a wonderful example to follow, one that I know I’ll always remember.
Hope this finds you taking a little hand,
David
Copyright © 2024 David Smith
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